So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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