So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your cock deserves a montage
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
