I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
