..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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