Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize