I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
