mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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