oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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