I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
