i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
