I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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