you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
