She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
