We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
