Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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