My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
