PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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