if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
