He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
