I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
