exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
