I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
