I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
