If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
