did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
