Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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