she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
