My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
