I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
