k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
