after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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