I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
