Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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