oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
