this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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