It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
