actually, I'm a sock model
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize