Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize