i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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