I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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