it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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