i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
