she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
