And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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