No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize