great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
