I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The uberlube is also flammable
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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