as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
