return my video game
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
