Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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