She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
