return my video game
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
