I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
