You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
