The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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