I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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