i think my tv is drunk
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize