i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
