Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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