Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
