Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
