69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
