The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
