He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
