dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
