I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
